is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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