I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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