angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
