Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
