U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
