Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
