If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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