We won't sleep together?
i will never coherently bang her
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
