he wants to bone in the snuggie
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
