Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
