If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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