i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
