Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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