I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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