Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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