Too much gin, very little bucket
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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