I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize