I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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