Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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