I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
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Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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