Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
