I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
