he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
