We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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