Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This baby is an asshole
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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