I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
