Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
