Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
