It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
