You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
