he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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