I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
