I faked an abortion last night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
