When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
