Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
