why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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