Well apparently he's into motor boating.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
