i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Randomize
