i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
