Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
