You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
