Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
