I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
