is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
