the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
