Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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