I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Randomize
