so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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