where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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