this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
