Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
