Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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