I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
