everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
