I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
