Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think pants incapable of making pants work
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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