well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
