stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
