i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
