Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nutella sex= disaster
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
