Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
