i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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