Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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