I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
