The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
