So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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