I cockslap morals
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
