It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
