Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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