Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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