I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
