if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
